you've not hurt me today so you take your chance and you step through the door with a flickering glance and you're stirring the air with historic deceits and dragging bags of tatters and tooth- rotting treats you drop and spill your dirt over the floor the pills the needles syringes and more and I hope that you're in a cognitive mood at the first chance I get I will offer you food but if you don't want it I know I'm in trouble and all you desire is to burst my bubble you always pretend to think you are right as you shout in my face and you try for a fight and you always know how best to succeed and all you want is to make my brain bleed so you shout and you scream accusations at me and I can't be heard as I enter my plea of innocent with proof in the shape of my heart as your screams increase as soon as I start and I pull out all of my tools of prevention to persuade you to cease this game of contention but there's no comprehension and no suspension from this seemingly endless inane invention your angry anarchic attack on convention and I know that there's no mis-apprehension as you play dangerous games with my heart -rate with your nickel- plate nonsense you love to mis-state the truth of each story with lies that inflate as you warm at the sight of the damage to date then I finally manage to tell you to go and I see the delight writ clear on your face and you step up the evil torture a pace to force me to push you out of the door because I can't take it for one second more.
You’ve not hurt me today so you take your chance
as you step through the door with a flickering glance.
You’re stirring the air with historic deceits,
dragging rags and tatters and tooth rotting treats.
You drop and spill your dirt over the floor;
the pills, syringes and needles and more,
and I hope that your in a cognitive mood;
at the first chance I get I will offer you food,
but if you don’t eat it I know I’m in trouble,
‘cos all that you want is to burst my bubble.
You always pretend to think you are right
as you yell in my face and you try for a fight
and you always know how best to proceed
and all you want is to make my brain bleed,
so you shout and scream accusations at me,
and I can’t be heard as I enter my plea
of innocent, in the shape of my heart,
since your screams increase as soon as I start,
so I pull out all of my tools of prevention
to persuade you to cease this game of contention,
but there’s no comprehension and no suspension
from this seemingly endless inane invention;
your angry anarchic attack on convention,
and I know that there’s no misapprehension
as you play dangerous games with my heart-rate.
Your nickel-plate nonsense you like to mis-state
as my ears repel the filth you relate,
as you warm at the sight of the damage to date,
then I finally manage to tell you to go
and I see the delight writ clear on your face
as you step up the evil torture a pace
to force me to push you out of the door –
‘cos I just can’t stand it for
one second
more
© Jane Paterson Basil
Amazing, just amazing! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Sometimes it just works. I admit I’m really pleased with that one – I’ve just realised it was your poem that I was about to comment on when I noticed your comment!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, what a coincidence! lol Was a pleasure to read yours, such a good story and the skill to pull it off that way, just amazing. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s publishable. So well done. Wonderful, wonderful work…and powerful too…just so excellent!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! I expect you realise from previous comments how important this poem is to me.
LikeLike
As i was reading I realized it has the rhythm of rap. I know nothing about rap but I can hear the sound when I read your poem. It seems like it was created from a familiar place. You did a great job artistically also.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you.
My grandson is an extremely talented rapper with an unusual style. I think I caught something off him. It seemed the right style for an angry tirade, and my fingers leapt over the keyboard almost without help from me.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow. Maybe you did catch something. The timing was right to complete your poem. It worked.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. It came really easily, and that is not always so.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great effort and I also was feeling the Rap.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I think I may play with rap a bit more some time. I like obvious rhythm with poems sometimes.
LikeLike
Wow! Like a couple of other commenters mentioned, this had a very rap-flow to it, which worked exceptionally well, and I found myself kind of rapping along (horribly) as I read the poem. Really beautifully done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your generous comment.
It does work, but it would be easier to rap along to it if it was in normal lines. I enjoyed the exercise of shaping it into a NO though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
One word — BRILLIANT! I felt every word and every emotion conveyed! 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much for that Bethie. good to see you.
LikeLike
I totally agree with emmalmoore, it has an amazing feeling of rap. This is stunning and haunting. It slams into you (slam poetry) No it slams into you like a beat against your chest and you feel the reverberations. Amazing.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you! Your comments haave set me up for the day.
LikeLike
Oh you are so welcome. I’m glad I read your poem. It really is so impressive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, slams into you…absolutely. That’s a perfect description…such a powerful poem.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow, you did such a good job with this. I am totally impressed. The poetry, the message, the imagery, everything is great.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Incredible!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for that lovely word!
LikeLike
This is a amazing. And extremely vivid and sad and angry. Wow!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! It’s beginning to look as if i’m going to have a lot to live up to tomorrow.
Scary. Exciting.
LikeLike
Every day is a new beginning, a new challenge. It is scary and exciting indeed. I’m looking forward to reading your creation 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, that is a real good one..I guess i nee to rob some of your instincts that make you think and write that well…very lovely 🙂 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you again. If we ever get to Mars I’ll take my special equipment, and you can read my mind. It can’t be done on earth – the walls have special sensors that pick up the waves as they are transferred.
LikeLike
Love the rhythm. You’ve produced a powerful visual. As one who’s lived something like this, you’ve captured the undercurrent of fear and the hope for something better.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Have you? Could you really sense hope in those lines? That’s interesting. Maybe it exists on a sub-conscious level.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jane, it’s a conscious decision. Take care of yourself and if applicable, minor kids. Al anon saved my sanity! CA has the best chapters anywhere.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I go to Fam Anon – for the families of addicts. So it is not in my hands. All I can do is to release with love.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I got the devotional books, read daily. I’m Abigail one for the slogans too. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don’t say it mean. Say it in 10 words or less. One day at a time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
10 words or less? Ouch!
I know a couple of people who have been clean and sober for over 15 years. they still go to the meetings and keep up with their readings every day, and i think they always will.
I like Be kind to yourself. Do not accept the unnacceptable. (Huh!) It works if you work it etc.
Thank you for your openness. I feel better knowing I have neighbours working the programme. It gives me hope for others.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent Flow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was very intense! Definite attention grabber!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind remark.
LikeLike
That was amazing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I am humbled by the kind comments it has attracted.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you wrote about a difficult subject very well and that’s what people see and admire. The bravery of the topic as well as the excellence of execution
LikeLiked by 1 person
I write a lot about drug addiction and its devastating effects. I’m another voice in the wilderness.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is absolutely brilliant, Jane. I love not only the rhythm and repetition, but I’m amazed at how you’ve incorporated the concrete form. Please think about submitting this to some venue that publishes poetry.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thankyou for your wonderful and encouraging comments.
I’m afaid of rejection. There, I’ve said it.
Having said that, I write a lot about addiction and the resulting psychosis. If I become brave enough, I think I would like my writing to go somewhere where it may benefit vulnerable people. I’m trying to put out a message.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think your writing could benefit many!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hank you – That’s what I want.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Please think about submitting this to some venue that publishes poetry.”
I agree!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll have to think about that tomorrow, It’s 4am and I haven’t slept since the night before last. I’mmaking a terriblemess of our assignment because I’m so tired.
LikeLike
Sleep first, write later!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, it should be published…I agree.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have thought hard about this, and the generous comments have given me confidence to move forward in the way I wish. I plan for the poems on addiction to be used to educate, and hopefully turn lives around. I am extremely grateful to everyone for their positive input, and if my poetry ever does any good in this world it will be thanks to supportive comments from my readers.
LikeLike
Awesome! I love the rhyme and rhythm. The words shake you and demands attention! Very powerful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I didn’t expect such a reaction to this post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, Jane. WOW!
I agree with everyone who said you should find a place to submit to. There’s only one cure for fear of rejection: submitting anyway.
I’ll leave this: http://www.poetrymarkets.com – who knows, you might find the idea market for the poem…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much for that Sonya. Maybe you speak the rare language of janebasilese, which is my native tongue, and though remarkably similar to English, there are a few phrases which need translation, ‘i have a fear of rejection’ is a perfect example. A rough translation is ‘I’d love to, but it takes forever to find the resources, and if I stop writing to look I may wander too far and lose my way back.’
The link you have sent me is probably a Godsend, and I am really grateful. I’ll take a look, and make sure I don’t lose it amongst the bits of string and odd socks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for commenting kindly to Ritsos post.
I read the “No Longer Human” poem.
Jane you’ve got voice.
Your words have power & the imaginatively streaming of lines compose a rather blured image but with full & clear the fellings of your writing.
Nice work!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! I have a feeling that you may be quite discerning, so I take your words as a huge compliment.
LikeLike
Had I been discerning I wouldn’t have tried to express myself in verses or whatever through poe-try but I should have written rather the oposite, try-poe, if I was wise.
Poetry is like walking on a tied-rope.
On your writing now.
There are three ways we use words, language, phrases, meanings, feelings, literature etc.
The expression of pioneer’s who discovers the world that of others, the medium that of wandering, seeking and reaching in some conclutions & the final stage, the matured.
It’s the one where the usage of words comes from an objective/subjective language in which into the same as common knowledge words we have added our own perspective, our own options and we project our experience in a deeper way of words. As though the words have different power, A Strength stumped with our personality. An ID expression.
I may assure you that you are in this third stage.
Jane I feel that the words are your property as well as the meanings, feelings, expressions. Yes, you are a whole Cosmos.
Do you want more about Ritsos? There is this same poem I posted in youtube. It is by Christos Leontis composer & Pashalides in vocals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?VcnT79x4eOhg
It deserves!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I recognise this as a true compliment, although I have never gone into the theory behind good writing. I just write, leaving no time for learning or any other kind of self-improvement.
LikeLike
I failed! Try this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?V=zQrzS7vRDeE
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t get it!
LikeLike
I can’t either. What’s wrong with youtube. I searched twice and I found the Ritsos poem, with music in an old concert. Twice I copied the e-address (different both) and twice I checked them and I know you cannot reach it. Is it prohibited to you? I cannot respond. Let me try once more and maybe it works.
LikeLiked by 1 person
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnT79x4eOhg
Let’s see.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was out of this world. I was going to say awesome, but I don’t want to use such a contemporary word for something so timeless and beautiful.
Being a non-linguistic English person,I didn’t understand a word,but that doesn’t matter. If I save the link, hopefully I’ll be able to listen to it again.
Thank you for that. I’mimpressed.
LikeLike