Noxious Weed; A Bad Poem


image from

Some people call it Montbretia
Crocosmia’s it’s other name
It reproduces under the ground
From corms which have no shame

So when you pull up the visible plant
And throw it in the bin
The parent produces baby corms…
It’s a fight you’re unlikely to win.

Some say a strong dose of Glysophate
May possibly do the trick
But although I despise the atom bomb
I say the answer’s to nuke it.

This terrible poem was inspired by today’s gardening, and this useful and informative website:

In the United States the Monbretia is recognised as a noxious weed. As such it may not be sold, propagated or knowingly distributed. How I wish it were so in this country. A few years ago somebody deliberately planted it all over the garden I am working on. This person was actually given an allowance of £100 a year, and she spent some of that money on Montbretia!

There is also mint at the back of the border. That will have to go into a pot before it tries to take the place of the montbretia. There’s wild garlic in the bit around the corner, and I wonder whether that was planted deliberately. Delicious though it is, an ornamental garden is not the right place for it. However, I may try potting that up too. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover a patch of Japanese Knotweed tucked away somewhere, – although, having said that, its not a particularly shy plant, and if there was any, it would be inviting itself into the neighbors’ living rooms  by now, and drinking their coffee while they sleep.

I have collected lots of plants to put into the garden. I’m now wondering whether it’s a good idea at the moment, as I doubt that all the montbretia corms are gone, and if not, they’ll just choke my sweet babies.

On a more positive note, I’ve been informed that, subject to the approval of some committee or other, I will also receive £100 a year to puchase plants. Well, I’m more likely to spend that on seeds and potting compost!. Even if I had a fondness for buying ready-grown plants, that money wouldn’t go far.

In addition, the supervisor of the care team says that if I plan to get special educational needs residents on board, she’ll organize fund-raising for additional tools.Now all I need is to get said SEN residents interested!

© Jane Paterson Basil

26 thoughts on “Noxious Weed; A Bad Poem

  1. Loved the poem! The atom bomb part was funny. That’s kind of the way people feel about Virginia Creepers here. It sounds like this might actually turn into almost a full time project for you. Do they pay you for doing this? Give you some off your rent?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I missed this comment 5 days ago. No, they don’t pay me in any way, but that’s ok.
      I mustn’t let it take up all of my time. I need to write. I need to blog. Blogging has made me feel human again.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. This is another comment I missed. Sorry.
      I’ve never seen anything like those weird plants. I wish there was more of a close-up.
      Could they be baby triffids, I wonder?


    1. Ha!
      Nothing came of my ideas – notlong after that my anxiety and paranoia set in, and I gaveup on the garden. I managed to get out there a couple of times recently, but last week something sparked it off again. This is a ridiculous way to be…

      Liked by 1 person

        1. You’re right – when I was gardening thirty or more hours a week I found it easier to cope, but this garden is too restrictive. I don’t feel it’s mine in the way those I designed myself were…

          Liked by 1 person

          1. There is nothing like creating your own. Ours has been a work in progress for many years. Almost there now 🙂 Can you do vertical or balcony gardening where you are, or those guerrilla ones ?

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Not in this garden – it was designed for elderly people with little imagination, or I could, but it would require a commitment that I can’t guarantee in order to make it look good. As for guerilla gardening, I’ve never done it – I’m tempted, because I happen to have aquired a large quantity of vegetable and cottage garden seeds, but I don’t know where I will find a patch of ground that isn’t constantly trodden down by the addicts of the town, and the drunks looking for a place to relieve themselses. This place has become so sleazy in recent years…

              Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve missed you so I clicked on a random blog. Wth was wrong with that weed-sower? Was this personal or just Loki-inspired general mischief? It sounds like you really know gardening but I’m glad you are focused on writing and blogging. Are you still gardening? You wrote this…six years ago. I am ‘opeless at it. Trying every year to learn. Also blogging. Still rather crap at it but I’m taking that Cristian Mihai The Art of Blogging free course. So I decided this year I would do tomatoes and wildflowers. Sew the flowers freely on the right among the trees, no-till a la Ryland Englehardt “Kiss the Ground.” Do the tomatoes on the right (3-month growing season and we go to October here in Delaware) first inside, then out. Right. But I can’t walk right now. I can’t kneel. So! A bench and scoot my bottom around in a circle with the tomatoes ringing me, then have a path to the door to hobble back inside. Daily doses of nature. Maybe even some free produce. We’ll start this weekend (3-day owing to the 4th of July holiday). Wish me luck? ♥.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no! What happened? Why can’t you walk? Will you recover?

      The poem is about an intrusive garden plant that is difficult to eradicate. I was trying to get rid of it. Six years later, the odd corm still manages to poke push its leaves up through the ground.

      For years. I was obsessed with gardening. I worked a 6/7 day week, between my various gardening jobs and my retail business in the local shopping mall. In the evenings I’d be working in my own garden until it got too dark to see. I think the secret of gardening is love and faith -. I don’t follow rules concerning soil types and watering; I just use my instincts and believe in the strength and determination of the plant to survive and be lovely.

      You are NOT crap at blogging. Your blog is clear and well indexed, but more importantly, your beautiful spirit shines through your blog.

      So there! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jane I never saw this comment until today. Please forgive my late response! I would very much like to learn more about gardening, especially regenerative gardening (a la Kiss the Ground, Ryland Englehardt). Jane, thank you for your comment about my blog! You totally made my day! *huge smiles and big hugs*. ♥.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. PS sorry forgot to respond to your question — I broke my left foot and it never healed properly. But I also fell and messed up my right knee and now the IT band/hip is involved. AND I was born was a messed up spine — a tiny imperfection that causes crazy bad pain when I overwork or when I was pregnant. But I’ve been “pregnant” for a long time now because I gained weight after the knee thing. And finally there’s my neck which I nearly broke in a diving accident. It sustained a tear — something called radiculopathy so it swells and becomes crazy bad migraines if I type more than a few hours at a time. So — I’m like a stick person with a bunch of broken sticks. Carrying massive bags of sand. But I’m smiling. =) ♥.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That all sounds horrible. The things I love most about you are your strength, your courage and your faith. You say you are still smiling. You must be an inspiration to all who know you – you certainly inspire me. Love and hugs xx

          Liked by 1 person

          1. *hugs* Jane thank you. I really appreciate that. Ugh I forgot I said all that. I was whiney that day. Sorry! You’re very kind to say such nice things. I hope I’m an inspiration but I’m also thinking about taking a vow of silence around my husband. (Pain makes me snarky.) He’s so patient.

            So the good news is, today is Day 31 of my 100-day Gong (qigong) and my foot isn’t swelling much at all, so I can go out walking. I’m so incredibly psyched and grateful! And my balance is improving. And I’ve released 38 lbs. I joined Noom too which is helping. Keeping the journey on IG @tizzlovesrowdy @rowdylovestizz since it’s often a conversation between my wolf Rowdy and me. =) It’s great. *hugs* How are you doing? ♥.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. You didn’t seem whiney. I asked you about you health problems and you answered my questions – just the facts, without a trace of self-pity. You ask me how I’m doing. All I can say is my health is fine, but my life is complicated; the problems are external. so I have little control over them. There are good days and bad days, but I never let myself forget that I have many blessings… many reasons to be happy xxx


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