Noxious Weed; A Bad Poem


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Some people call it Montbretia
Crocosmia’s it’s other name
It reproduces under the ground
From corms which have no shame

So when you pull up the visible plant
And throw it in the bin
The parent produces baby corms…
It’s a fight you’re unlikely to win.

Some say a strong dose of Glysophate
May possibly do the trick
But although I despise the atom bomb
I say the answer’s to nuke it.

This terrible poem was inspired by today’s gardening, and this useful and informative website:

In the United States the Monbretia is recognised as a noxious weed. As such it may not be sold, propagated or knowingly distributed. How I wish it were so in this country. A few years ago somebody deliberately planted it all over the garden I am working on. This person was actually given an allowance of £100 a year, and she spent some of that money on Montbretia!

There is also mint at the back of the border. That will have to go into a pot before it tries to take the place of the montbretia. There’s wild garlic in the bit around the corner, and I wonder whether that was planted deliberately. Delicious though it is, an ornamental garden is not the right place for it. However, I may try potting that up too. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover a patch of Japanese Knotweed tucked away somewhere, – although, having said that, its not a particularly shy plant, and if there was any, it would be inviting itself into the neighbors’ living rooms  by now, and drinking their coffee while they sleep.

I have collected lots of plants to put into the garden. I’m now wondering whether it’s a good idea at the moment, as I doubt that all the montbretia corms are gone, and if not, they’ll just choke my sweet babies.

On a more positive note, I’ve been informed that, subject to the approval of some committee or other, I will also receive £100 a year to puchase plants. Well, I’m more likely to spend that on seeds and potting compost!. Even if I had a fondness for buying ready-grown plants, that money wouldn’t go far.

In addition, the supervisor of the care team says that if I plan to get special educational needs residents on board, she’ll organize fund-raising for additional tools.Now all I need is to get said SEN residents interested!

© Jane Paterson Basil

14 thoughts on “Noxious Weed; A Bad Poem

  1. Loved the poem! The atom bomb part was funny. That’s kind of the way people feel about Virginia Creepers here. It sounds like this might actually turn into almost a full time project for you. Do they pay you for doing this? Give you some off your rent?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I missed this comment 5 days ago. No, they don’t pay me in any way, but that’s ok.
      I mustn’t let it take up all of my time. I need to write. I need to blog. Blogging has made me feel human again.


    1. Ha!
      Nothing came of my ideas – notlong after that my anxiety and paranoia set in, and I gaveup on the garden. I managed to get out there a couple of times recently, but last week something sparked it off again. This is a ridiculous way to be…

      Liked by 1 person

          1. There is nothing like creating your own. Ours has been a work in progress for many years. Almost there now 🙂 Can you do vertical or balcony gardening where you are, or those guerrilla ones ?

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Not in this garden – it was designed for elderly people with little imagination, or I could, but it would require a commitment that I can’t guarantee in order to make it look good. As for guerilla gardening, I’ve never done it – I’m tempted, because I happen to have aquired a large quantity of vegetable and cottage garden seeds, but I don’t know where I will find a patch of ground that isn’t constantly trodden down by the addicts of the town, and the drunks looking for a place to relieve themselses. This place has become so sleazy in recent years…

              Liked by 1 person

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