My Secret

stars 2

and I feel myself falling again
     while my brain is screaming
         that there's no need for
            this unseemly collapse
              in front of these good people
                 then I relive him hitting me, a
                  pretty sprinkle of tinsel shards
                  in front of my vision, the
                 distant observation of
                my body falling down a
              long flight of stairs, the
           sooty triumph of oblivion
      my head hits the deck
  hear them repeating my name
 their anxious voices call for
assistance from the resident carer
I roll over to conceal my face
I didn't mean to reveal my secret, please
 don't look at this feeble person
   who faints in public places
      it is not really me 
          somewhere behind time's quickstep
           my feet dance an ageless pattern
         in the green of an eternal morning
    release me, carry me back
to that happy place

© Jane Paterson Basil


4 thoughts on “My Secret

    1. sadness is ok. It’s when depression and desperation hit your in trouble. But I have tools for them – and for sadness. The only problem is that avoiding the bad feelings takes the edge off my poetry.
      I like you. You get it.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. I love the spacing on this poem. Almost makes you want to feel light headed along with you. And I like the way you separated your thoughts from the reality now. Unfortunately I know you’re right about avoiding the bad feelings taking the edge of your work. Isn’t it a shame that chaos has to be present to birth a star? (Friedrich Nietzsche)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Have you ever read poetry written by mormons? They’re so contented with life all the time, and the poetry reflects that. It tends to be really boring.
      Just an observation.
      Nietzsche certainly knew his stuff.


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