Bad day

woman-1006100

sinking to the ground
my chest rising with each untended breath
each unintended exhalation
my lungs keep breathing
again and again
it never ends

am I mother earth
here to be trodden inderfoot?
they defy me, deny me my freedom
defile my motherly love
again and again
it never ends

I see them
their wasted gait
their self-destructive aims
as they weave their way to my door
they always win their game
leaving us all losers
again and again
it never ends

my heart hurts
but never fails to beat
even as my weakened body sinks
and curls for protection
again and again
it never ends

I hate the filth
which they forever bring
it never ends

©Jane Paterson Basil

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16 thoughts on “Bad day

    1. I’m having a black day – I don’t know how things really are with Paul. Maybe he’s getting clean, maybe not, but his way of going about it is horrible, and I’ve been through this so many times before – he wants to get off heroin so he stupidly uses legal highs and street drugs as replacements, making him unbearable to be with. He’s been stinking the place out smoking “spice” even though I told him he wan’t allowed to. I can’t get him to leave, and I can’t go out, because I left him for two hours last night, to go to my support meeting, and when I came back he was incoherent, and staggering all over the place. It’s horrible. I need to get groceries and a present for my daughter Claire, whose birthday is the day after tomorrow, but I can’t. He’s burnt holes in the carpet and stuck stupid labels on the fridge which are dificult to remove, and everytime he stands up I think he’s going to fall over and break something. Happily, he’s just passed out on the sofa.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Yes. We spent yesterday afternoon in A&E (ER to you). There is nothing wrong with his leg. He was experiencing a kind of psychosis (the doctor simply called it paranoia) because he’s smoked too much spice. The doctor was really nice, but he must get sick of the place filling up with idiots who waste time when he could be saving innocent lives. Paul says he’s finished with the spice now. I hope so.

          Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t know what he’s doing. Officially I’m not supposed to have anyone stay here for more than two or three nights a week, but the say he is at the moment he doesn’t care about that. Who knows, maybe this time he really will get clean, and soon we can put this in the past. I’m not holding up too much hope though.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. So sorry you’re going through such a tough time, Jane. So horrible that you’re put through this pain so often. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, that’s the most important thing. All the best, love X

    Liked by 3 people

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