This need

this need;
this aching addiction,
this desperate, gripping hunger
to spirit away the past, the present
and slip into ecstasy,
feasting on healing poetry,
my fingers skipping, tripping to reach
the next letter before the secrets evaporate
leaving me bereft of meaning

this need;
the pacing, the keening search;
my brain staggering down unlit alleyways
hunting for heart-thumping,
heaven-sent sentences.

this need;
this endless striving
to achieve that remembered high,
I write but I cannot attain the relief
and nothing fulfills
this clawing ,

©Jane Paterson Basil


8 thoughts on “This need

  1. You know, if you get your book edited and feel like it’s done and you’re still experiencing this driving force to get this all out, there may be something else you’re not seeing that needs to be addressed. If it keeps happening, you may have to talk to someone about it. But I suspect when you have that book whipped into shape that urgency may evaporate?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes, the book… So here’s the thing – I’ve got very little left to do, but I haven’t touched it for weeks. I have no confidence in it. Why would anyone want to read my nightmarish ramblings about my children’s addictions? Apart from the couple of bits you’ve seen, nobody has read any of it, and I’m afraid to show it to anyone, in case it’s rubbish. I know I need to get a critique, but I’m gripped by self-doubt.
      Meanwhile I hate almost everything I have written over the past few months.
      So, finally I’ve splilt the beans!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m totally floored to hear you say that. You know after every big push to get something done, there’s always a time of flattening out. I’ve heard authors say that over and over. I think what you’re feeling is probably pretty normal. Why not try this… Post a chapter a time beginning at the beginning, on OTintW and let us give you feed back. Then while all that is happening, go write something fun. Jane, you’re one of the most versatile bloggers I know. Your poetry is wonderful. You’re probably just exhausted. Good Lord, woman! The emotions you’ve been going through both with the book and the kids in the here and now would kill most people! And yet here you are, still writing away. And as to audience, there is always a 1) voyeuristic segment of our society that WANTS to read what happens to people, and 2) there really are folks who would read because they need fresh ideas for their own situations. But you needn’t worry about that now. You don’t even have to make a decision about publishing it. In the end it may just be enough to get it down on paper and externalize it all. You’ll just have to wait and see. ONE thing at a time. Just think about doing that at OTintW, k?

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Your writing is beautiful Jane. We tend to always be our worst critics. What is OTintW ?
    BTW – I just got my annual report from WP. I’m finding I love stats and data for the first time in my life! Amongst a handful of others you are listed as providing the most comments on my posts. just wanted to say a big thank you and consider yourself hugged 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I needed a hug just at that moment, and I want to give you a big hug in return, for being the wonderful, supportive soul that you are.
      OTintW is a closed blog, shared by a group of five people. I am the most recent member. It’s there for us to post stuff that we don’t want the world to see. If it was my site there are three bloggers I would wish to invite, and you’re one of those, but I suppose if we all invited three to join, and each of them invited three, eventually it would be just like WordPress – and we already have WordPress…
      I believe that out of the five of us there are only three who really feel the need for it.

      Liked by 1 person

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