Plastic Moustaches

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The plastics factory manager is slipping into panic
screaming out instructions in a screechy, manic tone
“We need nose nippy moustaches and
celophane fishes and
little pink pigs, to be lost in an instant and
twiddly mini spinning tops, and
silly little puzzles that break when you fiddle with ’em, and
badly moulded animals and
pink snappy hairclips with ill-conceived daisies, and
Christmas may be over, but we need to start production
on all those useless objects for December’s celebrations,
so that millions of children won’t be disappointed
to find their snapping crackers have a tissue paper hat
and a silly little motto but lack the plastic crap.”

©Jane Paterson Basil

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14 thoughts on “Plastic Moustaches

    1. Thanks Calen – plastic junk is one of my bugbears, and much as I like Christmas crackers it bothers me that every year millions of stupid plastic things are put into millions of cones of paper and cardboard, only to be thrown in the bin and be sent to landfill or incineratied, sending tons of polutants into the atmosphere.
      My friend Heather cleans up and sells second-hand toys in our local market. It takes uo her life, bringing in very little money, but she does it because she can’t stand waste. I’ve started to collect up all the little bits of plastic crap that we don’t have time to deal with in Oxfam, and she’s going to give us a donation each time she picks it up.
      I’ve just had a brilliant idea! Recycled Christmas crackers, made from recycled paper and filled with reclaimed plastic toys! I’m going to talk Heather about it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That IS a great idea! I feel the same way as you. Recycling is NOT required by law in the city where we live. If you want to do that you have to find your own company to come do your pick up. Drollery and I pay extra to recycle. At least it makes me feel like I’m doing something, because you’re right about those pollutants.

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        1. it’s very wrong that you should have to pay to do the right thing. In the UK the council encourage recycling, and come and collect it for free. It wasn’t always so – the original recyclers were the rag-and-bone men, who came with a horse and cart,and collected any materials and property they could sell on, (but that was before my time) and then businesses began specialising. Thirty five years ago my husband and I began encouraging people to leave their newspapers with us, and whenever we had a car full we would take them to a small company that sold them on. Around about the same time concerned people around the country began collecting and selling recycleables. Most (if not all) of these places were registered as charities. Various members of my family were involved with one of the first of these enterprises, which was in our area. Since then, although they cotinue to function, the local councils have taken over collection, and they strongly encourage recycling,partly because it means they have less waste. Less waste = less landfill and less incineration, both of which are costly – and environmentally unsound, and bring in no revenue.
          Respect to you, for spending the extra money to try to reserve the planet for future generations.

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        1. I’mnot sure of the exact timing – I’ll have to ask a policeman… 😀 😀
          Speaking of which – do you know that in this country, if a pregnant woman has a sudden urge to empty her bladder, and there happens to be a policeman nearby, she is allowed by law to take the policeman’s helmet and relieve herself into it! People swear this is true, although it could be an urban myth.
          I’m on my way to Google to check it out…

          Liked by 1 person

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