Long gone (2)

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Long gone
those childhood summer days when gentle breezes swayed
when sweet, wilting hedgerow bouquets, picked without grace
were displayed beside a painted card on Mother’s Day

Long gone
the race across the fields, the fake-shooting cowboy games
the scratchy, ticklish search for eggs laid in the hay
the scuffed knees from tumbles that didn’t matter anyway

Long gone
those days when Autumn’s dampened gold decay
regaled the senses, bringing wildness to my play –
in mud-splashed jeans, I danced and kicked the leaves away

Long gone
the lilting music of my mother’s calm refrain
long gone her stroke upon my brow to say that I was safe
all vanished with the haven of innocent childhood days

Long gone
those impatiently awaited holidays from school
those lazy days when I believed my life would stretch unscathed
long gone the safety net, now faith in life has failed

©Jane Paterson Basil

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7 thoughts on “Long gone (2)

    1. That’s weird – it was originally a five line stanza, but I cut out two lines. I read it through several times, and thought I’d got away with it, but you spotted it. I wonder, is it so glaringly obvious, or are you particularly in tune with my poetry?
      Now I wish I ‘d kept a pre-edit record, because I’m not sure what the lines were, although I know that cutting them meant I had to change the previous stanza.
      There are a few things I like about this poem, but others I’m not at all happy about. Each stanza is meant to have a different mood, but I don’t think that comes across properly.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. The holidays part of the last stanza happens on the last phrase too fast. I don’t know what it is, it just feels off. I did, however, pick up the progression. It’s just that last little bit. Just play with it?

        Liked by 1 person

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