#atozchallenge It begins with F


It’s such a clever busines idea that I don’t want to share the name I’ve come up with, except to tell you it begins with F. Its success depends on it having that name, so I don’t want anyone to steal it. I don’t mind sharing the idea though.

I recently aquired a triptych from the Oxfam shop where I work. It hadn’t sold because it was so nasty. It was a trio of landscape pictures in several sickly shades of pink, mass-produced by some kind of printing method, so the canvases were smooth. My intention was to paint over them. I had several ideas in mind, but when it came to it, none of them appealed to me. I’m very fussy about what I have on my walls – it’s one of the reasons my walls are currently bare. The other reason is that I can’t afford to buy several Van Goghs, a John Singer Sargent, a Rodin, (painting, not sculpture) a Mucha and a couple of pieces of Pre-Raphaelite art – oh, and a Veonardo da Vinci. No, not that one; her smile makes me uneasy. I would prefer one of his drawings.

Inspiration smacked me square in the gob while I was leafing through a book about abstract art. Many traditional artists object to the work of particular contempory artists, claiming their work is not art. I find the controversy highly amusing, and I was giggling to myself about it, at the same time looking at a canvas which was no more than a trio of blocks of colour, when inspiration hit. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my canvases. It was brilliant! More than that, I thought it was hilarious. It didn’t take me more than a minute or two to figure out that this was a great business idea. By the end of the morning I had a whole list of ideas for humorous paintings which will require little a great deal of skill to create.

That may not sound like a clever plan, but if you knew the name of the business I think you’d see I was onto something. As I said before, it begins with an F.

I told my sister about it, and even took the risk of telling her the name of the business. She’s an artist who doesn’t like Tracey Emin, if you get my drift, and she laughed until she was blue in the face. I think that’s a pretty good endorsement.


My second endorsement came from my friend Elaine. When I told her about my plan, describing the triptych I’m about to paint, she told me a story about someone she she knew who entered a baguette and some matches for the Turner competition. The panel of judges were interested, but he’d lost the third component of his artwork, so he pulled out, but was invited to the opening party, which he was happy to attend. She suggested I should try for the Turner prize when my three canvases were finished.

So, I plan to set up an art business producing humorous, though quite untalented  extremely well crafted, paintings. I’ll need a factory and art materials. I plan to start small,  with just a couple of dozen staff.

Now – if someone would just lend me a coupla hundred thousand quid…

Hello… hello…? Where’s everybody gone?

©Jane Paterson Basil


12 thoughts on “#atozchallenge It begins with F

    1. You’re so right – I think most of us have had a brilliant business idea at least once in our lives, but been too strapped for cash to carry it out. It’s often for the best, as not all ideas are as brilliant as they seem 🙂


  1. Haha! I remeber when my other half was studying grapgic design, we wandered round the ‘fine art’ degree show. One student had an installation that was a white room with a white plinth in it with a spent firework on top. Three year’s work. And he got his degree. Bring back Leonardo!
    Good luck with your new venture. Fame and fortune will certainly come your way. Call Mr Saatchi!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You may mock, but it takes a special kind of brain to figure out which is the perfect firework for such an impressive installation, and think of all the work he went to, painting the room and the plinth in exactly the right shade of… er… white. 🙂
      I thought I may try The Dragon’s Den. I’m sure they’ll be excited by my innovative idea 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s the dissertation that goes with the work that counts, I’m told – if you can back your art up with enough pseudo – psychological babble, you’re onto a first. Cynical? Me? I’ve been wracking my dim brain, trying to work out what the F word is. Am I being a bit slow? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. No, you’re not being slow. It would take a genius – like me 😀 – to come up with such a name. It has four letters, and it ends with art – or to be more accurate, ‘Art, so there are two uppercase and two lower case letters. The first letter stands for Frivolous. Very tasteful!
          In this degenerate age any business with that name would probably be an instant success 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Cover my F**t in diamonds! You just made me laugh out loud for the first time today.
              I think we should go into partnership with this one. I’m confident that you’d come up with some hilarious ideas.
              You – um – don’t happen to have a couple of hundred thou kicking around, do you?

              Liked by 1 person

                1. I’ll get started on the project as soon as I have the money. I don’t want you to go too far out of your way, so you can leave it behind the cistern of the third toilet along at Taunton bus station 🙂
                  (That sounds familiar – I must have tried it before)

                  Liked by 1 person

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