As if

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the attention
creates a reaction
like being tickled
but without any physical sensation
just a buzz in the brain that makes me giggle
and yet I’m not interested in him
in any meaningful way
even his humour is mundane
but he has something, or maybe
he fulfils my need to feel
as if I am still living
and not quite
invisible

aaMakingitwrite

Β©Jane Paterson Basil

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31 thoughts on “As if

        1. I was thinking more of bleedin’ great pieces of statement jewellery, with the poetry written in siver wire.
          I was joking, but I actually think it may work. I have a friend who is a silversmith. Whe sells her jewellery on etsy, but she’s not doing very well at the moment. I think I may do a couple of drawings, to give her an idea of what I mean, and have a chat with her. She’s desperately looking for a (second) part-time job at the moment, because she’s so broke…

          Liked by 1 person

    1. I wrote it light-heartedly, but I’m shocked at how much better I feel, knowing that somebody finds this broken old hag attractive – the best of it is that he’s not in a position to get amorous. I wouldn’t want that.
      It makes me sad that this resonates with you, though I if I’d thought about it I would have known…

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            1. A shoulder rub would be a treat. I never got anything like that from Laura and Paul’s awful father in twenty years, and for a long time I missed it, but these days even that doesn’t matter πŸ™‚
              I heard the song ‘I Got Life’ on the radio today, and it made me feel grateful, as it always does. It also gets me making a list in my head of all the other things I have.

              Liked by 1 person

                    1. Yes, extraordinary song, especially for the time. For a black woman like Billie Holiday to sing that while the Jim Crow laws were still in place in America was a pretty damn brave act, I’d say πŸ™‚

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                    2. I read that when she sang it live she left it til last. If people were eating or drinking everything had to be cleared away before-hand, and she insisted on total silence and respect. Quite right too.
                      I laways forget that it was Billie Holliday’s song more than Nina Simone’s, because this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqbXOO3OiOs&oref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DtqbXOO3OiOs&has_verified=1 is so unforgetable

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                    3. Is it any wonder America still has such deep rooted racial problems? You can’t go from doing this to your citizens only a few decades ago to racial equality and fairness. Societies just don’t move that quickly. A wonderful dreaful song

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                    4. That’s a perfect descripion of it. Ofcourse, the Ku Klux Klan still exists, and I expect they still condone those horrible crimes.
                      I can feel a tightening in my chest – time to get off the subject….

                      Liked by 1 person

                    5. The upturn in racism everywhere is disturbing. I don’t understand what’s wrong with people. I expect a psychologist would tell me it’s down to insecurity, but it’s inexcusable AND counter-productive. The resulting damage endangers us all.
                      And another thing – why do I keep preaching to the converted? πŸ™‚

                      Liked by 1 person

                    6. Haha! Don’t worry, I do the same – the people we really need to talk to about such subjects probably wouldn’t listen, unfortunately. You’re right about it all being counter productive – every act of racism or bigotry accumulates until the acts become the only way that race or group of people is known. A downward spiral of hatred

                      Liked by 1 person

  1. There is something so exciting about just being noticed or admired… even if we do not return the favor. I guess none of us really get enough of that!

    You describe the sensation so well. Love the first few lines, especially.

    Liked by 1 person

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