1. Ask him to stay a bit longer.
2. Give him all your cash.
3. Tell him that if he goes outside he’ll probably be devoured by a man-eating she devil who will take his money and his sanity.
4. Invite your brother over.
5. Tell him they’re giving away money at the bank, but they close in fifteen minutes.
6. Tell him the police are on their way.
7. Try to have a reasonable conversation about his future, or give him some useful advice.
8. Throw his wallet out of the window.
9. Set fire to your home.
10. Throw him out of the window.
See also: Ten ways to get your son to visit you.
NB. Free with this post! A bonus Way To Get Your Son To Visit You:
- Borrow a phone off someone, call your number, and when he answers, tell him that if he doesn’t return your phone within fifteen minutes you’ll phone the police. Mean it.
©Jane Paterson Basil