The depth of down

all these years
through everything
sometimes I was bowed
but I always remained standing

don’t know how you do it, they said

but today I finally fell.
like there was no floor, no base

thought I knew how deep
down went, but no
it’s past fear, past panic
beneath agony and grief
so far, so, so far

my family was called
determined, they lifted me
to the surface

with their help
I’ll be well again
maybe soon

©Jane Paterson Basil

34 thoughts on “The depth of down

    1. Nothing and everything. I hit the floor, literally – several times. I writhed and cried and called out for my mum. Elaine had the sense to call the paramedics AND my daughter Sarah. I was seen by a wonderful emergency doctor who listened to my story and declared me sane. He said my behaviour was normal for somebody living under such constant and long-term strain.
      My head’s bruised and my glasses are bent, but otherwise I’m none the worse. Now I’m not hiding stuff from my daughters and my lovely son-in-law my life will be a lot better. They’re going to help me, as they’ve wanted to all along.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. For so long I’ve clung so desparately to the familiar, not knowing that I was just making things worse for myself. I’d love to be able walk on the beach with an intelligent woman who’s been where I am.
      I’m safe with my family, and feeling a lot better now I’ve let them in.


        1. So good – there’s nothing like being mothered by your daughter, and there’s nothing like a man-hug from your son-in-law 🙂
          I’ve got pretty much all I need between my friend who called called in all the right help, my blogging friends, and the nurturing members of my family. I should have let them in before.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s the years of hopes being dashed over and over – that’s what did this to me. It breaks you. I have to stop hoping things will change for my younger children and concentrate on the good things in my life; my two older girls and five grandchildren. I’m with my family noe, and feeling a lot better xxx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. They already have – thanks to my best friend making the right moves, and letting my older daughters know how bad things had become for me. I’ve been hiding things from them, but now they’re going to help me through this. I’ll be fine. Thank you for your good wishes 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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