all these years
through everything
sometimes I was bowed
but I always remained standing
don’t know how you do it, they said
but today I finally fell.
like there was no floor, no base
thought I knew how deep
down went, but no
it’s past fear, past panic
beneath agony and grief
so far, so, so far
my family was called
determined, they lifted me
gently
to the surface
with their help
I’ll be well again
maybe soon
©Jane Paterson Basil
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What happened, hon?
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Nothing and everything. I hit the floor, literally – several times. I writhed and cried and called out for my mum. Elaine had the sense to call the paramedics AND my daughter Sarah. I was seen by a wonderful emergency doctor who listened to my story and declared me sane. He said my behaviour was normal for somebody living under such constant and long-term strain.
My head’s bruised and my glasses are bent, but otherwise I’m none the worse. Now I’m not hiding stuff from my daughters and my lovely son-in-law my life will be a lot better. They’re going to help me, as they’ve wanted to all along.
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Yes. It’s time for that, Jane. We all need stretcher-bearers from time to time. We can’t always be the one dragging the damn thing along behind us with someone on it. Listen to them. Who found you?
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I went to see my friend Elaine. I got through her door and collapsed. I was pretty much incoherent. She did all the right things, including calling my daughter, who came straight to me. I’m staying with her now.
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Good. Stay there for awhile!
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I expect I shall – we’ll see…
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Sometimes we need to fall so far, I think. For respite. Wish you could come here for a while, out of reach, out of context, to walk on the beach with someone who knows that depth of down, and knows that you will be well again.
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For so long I’ve clung so desparately to the familiar, not knowing that I was just making things worse for myself. I’d love to be able walk on the beach with an intelligent woman who’s been where I am.
I’m safe with my family, and feeling a lot better now I’ve let them in.
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Jane, sending you lots of *love, hugs, blessings*
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I’m a lot better today – in the arms of my family. I’m not going to shut them out any more. They want to help me xxx
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It’s good to be surrounded by people who support and love you 🙂
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So good – there’s nothing like being mothered by your daughter, and there’s nothing like a man-hug from your son-in-law 🙂
I’ve got pretty much all I need between my friend who called called in all the right help, my blogging friends, and the nurturing members of my family. I should have let them in before.
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Never too late !!! xoxox
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🙂
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What happened…? You sound as if you’ve lost all hopes!! Take a step back, rest and bounce back… sending lots of love your way
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It’s the years of hopes being dashed over and over – that’s what did this to me. It breaks you. I have to stop hoping things will change for my younger children and concentrate on the good things in my life; my two older girls and five grandchildren. I’m with my family noe, and feeling a lot better xxx
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Never give up hope at the same time learn to accept destiny. Their destiny is routed through Their karma. For every closed door their is another for that opens…
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How would it be if I put hope in a box and keep it somewhere safe, where I don’t have to look at it…
It’s hard for we in the west to think beyond the temporal. Over centuries we’ve crushed our spirituality.
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Keep hope alive in your heart. It’ll shine through your eyes… have faith in your faith. Put your fears and expectations in a box and forget them.
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The most I can do is to trust that, no matter how it seems, the universe is unfolding as it should.
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Just keep writing. It is a rope that will always pull you back up again. it is a burning rope that can use anything as its fuel–even despair!!! We are all here and listening. Remember that. xoox
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Thanks Judy. With a lot of help from my family and friends I’ve picked myself up off the floor. I’m OK today. Staying with my daughter for the moment.
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So glad you have folks that you can rely on and the willingness to ask for that help.
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I’ve been hiding the truth of how bad it was, because I didn’t want to worry them. My sensible friend bullied me into letting her ring my daughter, and I’m glad she did.
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Thanks for friends who often know more about us than our families.
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We’re less likely to put up a front for our friends.
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I’m sad to read this. This is your escape from it. Hope things improve for you soon.
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They already have – thanks to my best friend making the right moves, and letting my older daughters know how bad things had become for me. I’ve been hiding things from them, but now they’re going to help me through this. I’ll be fine. Thank you for your good wishes 🙂
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You found your silver lining in the dark dark cloud. Congratulations on taking a step towards the right direction. May you finally find your share of happiness.
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It was a friend – she shoved me in the right direction…
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Sometimes He has to use more obvious approaches if you don’t take the hints 🙂 heal well!
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I’ll do my best 🙂
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Hope you are ok……xox 😍
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I will be 🙂
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