Blame the weather


Naughty breeze
floats through the window
infiltrates my facial orifices
flooding my brain with wicked designs

Today I may climb a tree
hoisting funny oversized underwear
to drop onto unsuspecting heads
Rip off my clothes and spin in the sun
Embarrass an innaccessible man
with insistantly flirtatious blab
having first chosen one far to young
to be either interested or interesting

I want to bother beggers in the street
ask them for change for a busfare or a cup of tea
Accost posh ladies out for a Sunday treat
offer to sell them a stolen watch or DVD
then open my coat to show a badly written phrase like

stop staring at my tits or
oh, so you like my boobs,

scribbled across my naked chest

l could fill a Tesco trolley with bottles of chablis
and when I get to the checkout, say

I forgot my purse
but I have enough pennies in my pocket for a pack of chewing gum

but drop my change, letting it roll under the paystation
precipitating a scrabble for coathangers and
resentful assistance from simmering assistants
who crouch at my feet, reaching in the dust
while I unwrap the tube, and chew insouciantly
muttering about innefficient service

I’d like to waltz down a busy road, halting traffic, causing chaos
enraging sleepy weekend travellers
wait for my audience to swell
then scream

somebody’s stolen my left-handed antimacassar
stopping the snowdrops from blooming this summer
and there’s a poodle in my shoe

just to see how a crowd reacts when I appear to be mad

Shall I pretend to be pregnant
pee in a policeman’s hat
and then run away, yelling hehe, I’m not really

No, these adventures can wait for another day
when I’m a little greyer and the sight of me
makes people think of purple
so they half expect me to be insane

I’m a little tired and it looks like rain
not the kind of weather for playing in the streets
so I hope you don’t mind if I go to sleep

©Jane Paterson Basil

31 thoughts on “Blame the weather

  1. I think you’ve already played audaciously in the street mentally. Sometimes the most satisfying way to do it as you have a great written record of it afterwards!!! I enoyed coming along on your adventure. Judy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jane, I love the wild adventure here. You know what someone told me today that God me thinking? She said if you read the works of most writers, you would think that they would make good company. She said the reality is the reverse because most are often boring and all the fantasies they write about are engaged in their skulls. Well, I think it is still a talent to do mischief only with a laptop.
    I really like your post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Gbolabo – she was probably right in saying our words are usually fantasy, but we can be comedians and make people laugh, and that has value in a world where the majority seems to be unhappy.
      I enjoyed writing the post – writing is the most fun you can have on your own 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I enjoy writing silly posts like this more than anything, but I’m not always in the mood.
      The only one of those things I’ve ever done is to ask a begger for change – and I only did that because he was the most pushy, annoying addict on the streets. He left me alone after that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

                1. I hereby declare us both totally sane.
                  The stress? Two of my children are addicts. I have coping strategies, but sometimes there’s a crisis. I always bounce back. When I write a funny post it means I’m OK again. I have many good things in my life, and I actively at happiness.

                  Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my, you did have a mischievous day, didn’t you ! Such fun – you know this reminded me a little of Mervyn Peak. I’ve just finished reading Gormenghast (which you mentioned once as a good book). I found it a terribly tedious read but have to admire his mastery of language and creativity of storying. But no, your is not tedious. It’s delightful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Last night someone asked me what kind of day I’d had – I said it was amazing. He asked what I’d been doing. I said “Writing.”
      “Oh, so you’re being sarcastic,” he said.
      Umm, no…
      Sorry you didn’t enjoy Gormenghast – a lot of people would agree with you. I read it forty years ago, and was entranced. Maybe I’d feel differently now.

      Liked by 1 person

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