I was with my friend, Elaine, this afternoon, when my son rang me to tell me about an achievement. He had some free time on his hands, as his girlfriend, who likes to be called Krusti, (though she’s not crusty) wasn’t around. Mid-sentence, he suddely started making “Ugh! Errr! Yuck! What the…” noises. I asked him what was wrong, and he shouted:
“The cat’s done a crap on the fridge. What’s going on? Why would she do a thing like that? It’s horrible. It’s a classic cat-shit – you know, the kind that can’t be anything but cat shit. I’ve got to go now. I have question her about it. She’s got some explaining to do.” (He has a close relationship with his cat, and thinks he may have been a cat in a previous life, so he was probably serious.)
He came out with a few shock-horror expletives, then tried to excuse her by saying that maybe she’d been unable to get outside in time. He repeated that he was going to find Rusty and interrogate her about it, and put the phone down.
Roaring with laughter, and with tears in my eyes, I told Elaine what had happened. My explanation went something like this:
“(Ho ho hee hee), Rusty (gaffaw), Rusty’s done a (hahahahaha) crap on the fridge, and Paul has gone off to (roar, choke, cough) question her. I expect he’ll try to make her clear it up.”
Elaine looked at me stonily. “I don’t think that’s funny,” she said.
I carried on laughing, at the same time trying to remember Paul’s exact words, so that she’d share the joke. I mentioned that he thought Rusty may not have been able to get outside.
Now she looked puzzled.“Jane. It’s not funny… how high is the fridge?”
I’d never seen Elaine so po-faced. She usually laughs at the things I find funny. Being too slow to come up with “Dunno, but it smells pretty high right now,” I stood up, and held the side of my forefinger against my forehead.
“How did she get up there?” she asked.
I explained. “There’s a window beside the fridge. She’d have jumped onto the sill, and then onto the fridge. She often gets up there.”
“What?” She shook her head as if to loosen the dust of disbelief. “Has she ever done anything like that before?”
I couldn’t understand why she was so upset by my hilarity.
“No, she’s usually very clean, apart from all the hairs on the carpet. She’s long-haired, so it’s a bit of a nightmare hoovering up after her.”
“What?” she said again, but she must have decided to gloss over the hair issue, since she added “Why would Krusti crap on the fridge? Is she mad?”
That finished me. It took a while to splutter out the words “not… Krusti… Rusty…. the cat.”
Finally she saw the funny side, but by then, I almost needed medical attention, and by the time she’d stopped laughing at the misunderstanding, so did she.
You may call me squeamish, but in the interests of good taste, I chose to forego an image for this post. 😉 🙂 😀
©Jane Paterson Basil
😂😂😂😂😂 I have had to clean up my dogs poop when they have been suffering from gastric disorder… trust me now that I can laugh at it I can identify with what your son must have been feeling….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Laughter may not have been an appropriate response, but his reaction to the mess was so funny – and the resulting misunderstanding had me in stitches 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh my goodness, hilarious. I was laughing along with you then the surprise. Loved it!😂💐
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m exhausted from the laughter – it often happens when I go to see Elaine. We use humour as medicine, and we’ve both become skilled at handing it out, but sometimes we overdose 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
the best drug of all ; ))
LikeLiked by 1 person
It certainly works for me…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too
LikeLiked by 1 person
True??? It is hilarious either way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s true – all except the bit about hair on the carpet. I allowed myself a little poetic licence. They say all writers are liars…
LikeLiked by 1 person
My cat couldn’t get to her litter-box once, so she used the sink instead. Clever thinking on her part. But the smell … Nothing else matches it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bodily waste, the downside of pet ownership… My son is squeamish, so I don’t know how he dealt with it.
LikeLike
Oh that was funny!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I reckoned it was worth sharing… 🙂
LikeLike
And just how did the conversation with Rusty end up ? Maybe he could train her/him/it to poo in the toilet and flush.We had a cat in Finland who taught herself to do that, ‘cept she never got the hang of flushing. And the first time she fell in. Didn’t stop her though 🙂 true story
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m impressed – I’ve never heard of a cat doing that – using the toilet, I mean. Cats are fascinated by flushing toilets, and I’ve seen a few fall in. That’s another thing we shouldn’t laugh at, but it’s hard not to. I had a cat that kept falling into the bath. She hated it, but she never learnt…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Must have had learning difficulties. Perhaps a birth trauma, or a near death drowning experience 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Learning difficulties – yes… she used to fall asleep in the middle of the road… it didn’t end well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh dear, a squished kitty is never pretty 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
No it’s even more horrid than a soggy moggy 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol – 🌹😎
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! Don’t you love it when something really is truly funny? It makes your endorphins spike and you feel good all over for awhile. That was hilarious. It’s really true what they say Laughter really is the best medicine. Well, next to homemade chicken soup which really does have some anti-inflammatory properties. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s always best not to combine those two medicines; Raili made me laugh a few minutes ago while I was eating an olive, and I choked on it – so chicken soup first, then a short rest, followed by laughter as prescribed 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just as I read the cat was called Rusty, I did think ‘That must make things very confusing!’ And so it proved. Gross but funny” 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Until this event, it never occurred to me that their names were similar.
I plan to dine out on this story for weeks – embelishing it as I go along 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! Before you know it, the cat will have been IN the fridge, not just on it …
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ugh – Paul had better hope that she never learns to open the door 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! X
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hilarious!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this – I have started a blog called diaryofadesperateessexhousewife
I would love to see if it is worth continuing to write to try and entertain people
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I’ve just checked out your blog. I hope you stick with it. You’re funny, and you say things that others think, but don’t admit to. there’s something very English about your posts, and I’d be interested to see how Americans react to them.
I’m English. Oi lives doon yer een Dubm where us chews grass all day long. (I live down here in Devon where we chew grass all day long).
LikeLike
!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLike
Love it Jane.
Take care during this strange time ❤️🙏
LikeLike
Thank you Margaret. The cat incident was three years ago, but even now it creases me up. 😀 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s good isn’t it to look back on funny events 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, yes 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike