ยฉJane Paterson Basil


33 thoughts on “Forever

    1. Thank you for your concern, Kate.My son has got himself into a tangle, and not taken the right steps to extricate himself. There could be far-reaching results.
      It’s been a difficult few days, and it’s not over yet, but I had a good, long sleep last night, and today I feel better.
      I almost regret this post, but it’s what I do – say how I feel, when I’m feeling it

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        1. I don’t know how it’s going to pan out this time… he started using drugs when he was thirteen, and has spent so little time off them (while he was in prison) that he hasn’t grown up. Added to that, his father, when faced with a choice of the sensible action and the stupid one, always chooses the stupid one. He takes after his father. It’s horribly frustrating…

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            1. No, I’m not responsible for him, but he’s my son, and I want him to be well. .. there’s an unhealthy connection between him and his sister. He competes with her. If he can’t be “better” than her – and that would take an awful lot of effort – then he has to be far, far worse.
              His whole life is a competition, and his wires are twisted.

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              1. such a sad waste of energy, his I mean .. often wonder why we can’t rejoice in another’s well being or accomplishments as we all have different skills, especially siblings ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
                he seems determined to self destruct so he is on my prayer list ๐Ÿ™‚

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                1. Thank you Kate. I’ll tell him you’re praying for him. Many people have prayed for his sister, and for me, but few have extended that to Paul, perhaps because he’s so exceptionally abusive… which means he needs it the most.

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                    1. It was an odd kind of abuse. I have two older daughters who aren’t his. He was strict to the point of unfairness to them, whilst he veered between spoiling and bullying his own children. He was consistantly unpleasant to my two, whereas with our two he was totally inconsistant. It’s far more complicated than that, but that’s the essence of it. Laura and Paul grew up totally confused, whereas my older girls coped well, since they had a better grounding. His plans to destroy me, through the older ones, failed. Instead he destroyed his own children. In the middle of all this, I suffered a debilitating illness which put me out of the picture for a long time.
                      This makes me sound like a terrible mother. I should have left him, but he diminished me to the point where I hardly knew who I was. I didn’t know how to get away. When he tired of me, he helped me to get a flat, and I began to recover. Then he wanted me back. He manipulated everyone around me, until I agreed to go back. My older two were adults, so I went back for the sake of Paul, but this time I was stronger.

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                    2. inconsistency is the real danger .. even if parents are very abusive or genuinely kind, kids need consistency .. as he wavered they would have been totally confused and therefore more liable to go off the tracks. What you have described here and previously are full indicators of a Domestic Family Violence situation .. bully and belittle so people have no sense that they could escape, meaning you and his two kids. Your older two had consistency and therefore a better shot at survival. Are you getting counselling … it would help ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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                    3. I had a certain amount of counselling years ago, mainly to help me deal with my father issues, but have since been told that it wouldn’t help as I’m one of the most self aware patients my psychiatrist has ever seen, and have created excellent tools for survival without any help.
                      Our psychiatric services are overloaded and underfunded anyway. All they can do is keep some of the worst cases from killing themselves. They’re fairly confident that I won’t top myself. But they give me drugs.
                      The past doesn’t matter so much anyway. My main concern is that my children recover from it.

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                    4. psychiatrists seldom counsel, usually just push meds .. a psychologist or social worker with your local council was more my thought – both for support and ideas on how to help your son:)
                      YOU are a survivor, no fears there but sometimes a different perspective can clarify matters, you know best ๐Ÿ™‚

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                    5. I was pushed towards the psychiatrist when it was decided that there was to be no counselling.
                      Social services are also overworked and underfunded. It’s unlikely they’d help me as they’d see that I was coping. I’ve had truck with them before.
                      When my daughter was in psychosis, the people who helped the most were the police. They’d pick her up in some kind of awful state – her clothes sometimes torn to shreds, covered in huge bruises – and bring her home. Then they’d spend an hour or two in the kitchen, counselling her. There would be two of them, and every so often one would join me in the living room, to get a break, because she was so hard to deal with. Sometimes they’d take her to A&E, and try to get her a bed for the night. If they were successful, they’d take her a yogurt in the morning, and bring her home. They were wonderful; tried to get help for her, but they couldn’t. Not even for someone in that condition, so they had to be her social services team. If she wasn’t a priority for social services, I’m certainly not. I’m OK, really…

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                    6. wow sounds like NHS is way underfunded .. I am super impressed with the care and kindness of your police, wonder if it has something to do with the fact that they don’t carry guns .. police here would take her down the cells for a gang rape then release her when they were done ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
                      glad you are ok, you are both in my thoughts and prayers

                      Liked by 1 person

                    7. Funny you should mention guns – the policemen who were most helpful were the rapid response squad – the only ones who carry guns. Their rarely called out to use their arms, so they spend most of their time doing regular work. I suspect they’re very carefully selected. I found them very caring and compassionate I think we’re lucky around here.

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        1. It’s more than that though – I just want to see her face, and hear her voice, and know I am safe. I guess most of us slip back into childhood in times of real trouble, grief or fear… “Take this cup away from me”.


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