The latest poem in my motheringaddicts blog…
.
I loved you
with a mother’s heart,
thinking my love could save you,
but I was a fool, slave to your determination,
lost in your control from the start.
Your supremacy has been hacked away,
but you still have the power
to cut me apart.
.
Liquid armour
sweats through your skin,
your skillfully smelted weapons rust,
corroded by a war that you could never win.
You sought cheap freedom from pain
but found yourself in chains,
battle-scarred limbs
weakly reaching to steal alms
from scattered compadres and thieves.
.
Once the lady of deceit
soared through clean veins
bringing laughter and a peaceful relief,
your inner warnings melting on a sticky spoon,
your synapses giggling in denial of disease.
.
Did you feel that moment
when the switch flicked from want to need?
Did it creep up silently, like age sneaked up on me,
Or did it swipe…
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Addictions do sneak up and become entrenched before you realise….
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I may have told you – I’m an addict. I got addicted to codeine when it could be bought off the shelf. I was about 20. With my mum’s support, I cold turkeyed as soon as I realised. Even now I can’t take it for pain – the addiction kicks in and I get withdrawal.
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So powerful. Glad you managed to kick the habit. Mum was prescribed valium for many years. She eventually cold turkeyed herself off it. Don’t know how she managed to do it, but she did.
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My best friend was a heroin addict, and I knew what addiction does. It horrified me – that’s how I got off codeine. My BF was ‘lucky’, she got hepatitis and had to be barrier nursed, so she couldn’t get her fix. She came out of hospital and stayed clean.
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She, and you, were both lucky !
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Yes… hard to believe we used to be able to buy hardcore opiates over the counter. I took them for migraines. The withdrawal was worse than the migraine…
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I bet!
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