“I’m alright,
I’m alright, I’m alright,”
that tired mantra frequently uttered, repeated
until with sham faith, I’d stumble to my feet and act out life.
“I’m alright,
I’m alright, I’m alright.”
Recited each time my children tripped and I tumbled,
and, while I was not alright, yet the repetition
brought fumbling relief to the thundering danger and fear,
easing the hellish days and nights,
those weeks and years when the jealous witch of addiction
jigged a street-dumb death-wish into my drug-juggling offspring.
“I’m alright,
I’m alright,” I’d recite.
They didn’t die, and I have kept my sanity
in a wild variety of ways; oft in anger, raging, shaking,
weeping tears of horror, grief and fear of loss,
yet sometimes waiting patiently,
for my children to come back to me.
Now I can say it candidly,
I’m alright.
.
It’s been an emotional evening. My recovering daughter was here on a flying visit, dropping off some fabric for me to make into curtains for her. My son hasn’t come looking for me for almost two months, but – purely by chance – he showed up during the hour or so that Laura was with me. I wouldn’t have risked letting him in if she hadn’t been present.
I’m glad I did…
©Jane Paterson Basil
So much is told by what you don’t say, Jane.
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Fingers crossed…
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Reblogged this on crjen1958.
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There is nothing,
like
the lov,
of a mother!
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Sometimes I feel such love,
at others I grieve,
believing love has died,
but it’s only my heart
hiding from the hurt.
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Awe….
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So good to know that you’re alright 🙂
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Last night lifted a weight from me…
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That’s so good 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Whoa, Jane. How serendipitous. I’m glad it went well.
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I feel so much happier now…
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Would love to hear how it went. Drop me a note when you get a minute. ❤
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OK – tomorrow… I need to go to bed now…
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All One ever requires – Just a singular moment of Peace. Another Honest and Emotional write, Jane. 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺
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A rare treat…
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That’s fantastic – really heartening and so glad Laura was with you, to give you the confidence to let him in. All best wishes Jane. Here’s to being Alright 🙂
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Thank you, Lynn 🙂
In the words of 12 step programmes everywhere… just for today…
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That’s all you can hold onto, but you can make it enough 🙂
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Maybe…
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