If This be Farewell

His lips
shape sinuous words,
but only silence reaches my ears
as he confronts
my still psyche.

This might be
a final goodbye,
yet I let the question
float on the horizon.

I watch,
fascinated
that threats and lies
can be so easily dumbed
by a medicated sky.

All around him,
childhood trinkets and toys
rain around his untouchable frame.
They sink, lost forever
beneath the blind sea.

I recline on sturdy rock;
hazily trusting it will hold me.
If I am strong,
the waves
will not drown me.

Should the message
be his final goodbye,
tomorrow
might bring solemn women or men
whose warning uniforms
and gentle breath
will lower me
into the wild vale of grief.

If this is to be,
I’ll reshape the vision,
paint flowers at his feet,
add a balloon, fill it
with five fathoms of words
describing all the love
he ever felt for me,
but for now
the air caresses me,
and I sleep.

Written for Word of the Day Challenge: Fathom

This is the fear that the loved ones of addicts face every day. We learn to push it to the back of our minds, but it’s always there, waiting until the addict has a wobble. That’s when the fear goes into full attack mode.

©Jane Paterson Basil

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32 thoughts on “If This be Farewell

  1. I’m all drugged up, at the, full of cough lozenges, antibiotics, panadol, blood-pressure tablets, etc, feeling like my head is going to explode, my eyes are water from the pain, … and I’m feeling give me something get me out of here….
    “This might be
    a final goodbye,
    yet I let the question
    float on the horizon.”
    These lines struct me between my heart and my soul, and your entire poem is a very powerful piece, … a terrible feeling, the fear that knowingly awaits…… xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve seen had a horrendous weekend. I think it was just amateur dramatics, but one day my son might push himself over the edge and I won’t be able to save him because he’s decided I’m a horrible person… until he needs me again.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I appreciate it. My daughters are being very supportive. There ready to rescue me at a moment’s notice if need be. I’ve finally plucked up the courage to be completely open with them. That’s why the hateful behaviour has become so extreme.

          Liked by 1 person

            1. The truth is that he that he loves drugs. . I don’t think that will ever change. I’m trying to come to terms with the loss of the boy who loved me. He’s gone. Sometimes he pretends, to get what he wants. I won’t see him unless I have someone I trust with me, but there’s no knowing where it will end.

              Like

  2. Ah, Jane I’m so sorry to hear this. And things had been better, hadn’t they? That last verse – painting the flowers at his feet, sending out a balloon – so touching and heartfelt, such childlike innocence there too. It’s sad, how the mind turns against us, seeing allies as enemies. I hope things improve soon. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He’s staying away at the moment and he knows I won’t let him into my flat. It’s not safe for me. I will only agree to see him if another family member is present. He’s probably got weed psychosis, but it could be something worse.

      I’m fine now, although I’m quite heavily medicated. It’s the first time I’ve ever taken all the meds my GP prescribed. I’m cutting them out again tomorrow as I have to work to do.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m so sorry things have got that bad – what these drugs do to people, distorting their world view. Very scary. I’m so glad you’ve got your girls to look out for you. Keep safe, dear Jane X

        Liked by 1 person

                    1. Wow! A third? That’s good going! If you can be bothered (and if it irritates you not to, as it would me!) point out typos, but I’ll send it to be proofed before submitting to agents, so don’t worry too much. Thank you so much again. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

  3. Okay, until next time. But no one need go down with the ship. The hard thing to remember is; when dealing with addiction, a person is speaking to a substance and not another person. When dealing with the addict, there is a very slim chance of change until the substance is removed and the person gets clean.

    Liked by 1 person

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