The grit of a dozen
scrapes my mind,
straining to be arranged,
aching to stain virgin paper with blurred shades
of sorrow and rage.
I will not, I say:
I will not, I cry:
I will not write this piece of me,
for to write is to bleed.

The pain never dies,
but if left in peace it might rest,
it might sleep awhile.
I’ll deny my psyche’s keening request; I will not try
to unravel the gravel which scars my soul,
and I will not weep
for one who was lost
long ago.

©Jane Paterson Basil

16 thoughts on “Grit

  1. Hello Jane, G’day, and how ya garn…..
    You’re sounding, stressed, strained,and hovering on the edge of the game, and I thought these words summed it up ……
    “I’ll deny my psyche’s keening request; I will not try
    to unravel the gravel which scars my soul,”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m OK, Ivor, but half-formed poems about my son keep running through my brain. As long as I don’t let my mind stray too far in that direction I’m happier than I’ve been for years. You might have noticed this is posted on my original blog; I felt homesick, so I’ve returned to where I belong.
      How are you getting along lately, and how is your health holding up?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s lovely to hear Jane….. as for me, I’m under Doctors orders again, had a minor turn a few weeks ago…. the trouble was… I was driving my car…… fortunately, no accident, but very scary, so now I’m back having brain scans, (another one next Monday) and waiting around for results…. I’m home, but not allowed to drive, or overdo things…. however I’m feeling reasonably ok…. ((Hugs))

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Jane, when I read this my immediate reaction was Oh no! What’s happened? To say I was relieved to read your response to Ivor is an understatement. Its that bloody layered onion that keeps poppiong up wanting, demanding, to be set loose. That’s therapeutic of course. You take care of you xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Here’s an odd thing, Raili; I have a great life now, and yet when I try to write all I can think about is my sorrow and rage over Paul. BUT I had my gall bladder out yesterday, and today I feel as if I’m able to move forward. We’ll see. Anyway, I think I’m going to be posting on Making it Write from now on. It’s where I belong xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re peeling the layers of that never-ending onion, Jane! You obviously still have stuff left to let go of. Interestingly, your gall bladder is gone. Did you know it’s the seat of anger? It will be interesting to see where you go to next.
        I’m just happy to see you back. Heal well.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Harli. Thank you for your message. In answer to your question: I have a great life; three wonderful daughters, five lovely grandsons, great friends, voluntary work that I’m passionate about – and a son who has hurt me badly. He’s the cause of my block, but I think I’m moving forward.

      Liked by 1 person

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