Sometimes I feel like a bad actor in a play I thought not to rehearse. fudging my lines, smudging the plot. Sometimes my mind slides to a distant place and time and I forget I'm on stage. The fans must surely perceive I'm a sham. Sometimes it's like I've failed an audition for a part in a thing called The Human Race and having been banned from the theatre of life due to some kind of failure or something I lack that no-one explained and I don't understand I've broken through the roof and am watching the acts with my back to a grey-blue sky. Sometimes I see evil, destruction, hunger, need and corruption and I find myself screaming again and again Not In My Name Not In My Name. At least it was not me who stole a killers role in the play. Sometimes I know I am inept with those who sprang from my womb and I think of the myriad ways in which I have failed, yet I see their wisdom, insight and grace and feel forgiven. I am inept with friends yet they see me, understand, love the why and what of who I am. Even strangers like the incomplete face I display to the world, so I leap from my peeper's perch, my alien ship, to embrace the living earth. Sometimes I cognise, re-cognise I belong. I am real.
©Jane Paterson Basil