Tag Archives: fraudulent

CLAWING BACK INTO THE WOMB

Laura poem image for blog

sometimes I can't pretend
        (with fraudulent smile
           and counterfeit jollity)
 
            expelling misery caked carbon dioxide
 
             grappling with fresh clean oxygen
 
           looping it around happy happy speak
 
         to bluff-tumble all around
 
         
        sometimes I can't pretend
        as her falsehoods
         assault my crumbling walls
 
            as conspiracy theories replace responsibility
 
               as accusations curl around lunatic lies -
 
                  today I am a victim of her inconsistency
 
                   tomorrow her absent shrug will not heal me.
 
                    
                   sometimes I can't pretend
                  (though the knife feels blunt
                 and her nails are clipped)
 
              that my best foot is alive and well
 
            you may see me walk is if I were living
 
            expansively naming my blood-warmed jewels
 
            writing false futures with a dried-up pen
 
               
                 sometimes I can't pretend
                   when softly she steps
                     with white feather wings
 
                     when she strokes my brow and bestows stolen gifts
 
                   and tries to suggest that the demon is dead
 
                   while robbing my soul to sharpen her rage
 
                     to cut me open when I'm lulled to sleep
 
                           
                            sometimes I can't pretend
                             as the demon expands
                            biting chunks from my mind
 
                        as giggle-groans echo beneath my ribs
 
             and with stained talons she crawls a smidgen deeper
 
     
     sometimes I can't pretend 
    that she is not burrowing back inside the womb
      where I lovingly formed her so long ago
 
 
                    (daily she wept at her exile
                                from that moist-hugged cave within me)

© Jane Paterson Basil