I built my mansion from moonlit bricks,
painted it with pale rays of dawn,
created terraces and lawns
bordered by dwarves of nature’s ornamentation
to afford unscathed sight from here to the horizon.
I live in solitude,
play silent movies in my mind,
warm these tired hands on gaps between grey matter,
my muslin shroud
became a rippling gown
that flutters with grace.
My swish and swirl emulate a silvery darling
from yesteryear’s screen,
my hair rests in whimsical wisps,
the tilt of my chin apes inborn dignity.
Gleaming walls recede in awe,
trusting authenticity,
ignorant of my history.
Even beneath these palatial ceilings
I feel tall.
“I
am safe,” I tell the echoing rooms,
“no corners to cut me, no rugs on which to slip and break,
no stove to sear my skin.”
No fire, no ice,
no storm within these sturdy walls.
The drapes shiver;
their drifting folds whisper a warning;
“There is danger beyond our weft.”
A slight figure approaches;
this midnight ghost has tricked the sun into shining on him.
Cloaked in the clothes that he chose two decades ago,
he droops on the lawn, his false frame shaking,
his face describing hunger, grief.
“Mummy, mummy, please,
it’s cold outside,
please love me,
please don’t leave me to die.”
He looks like my child,
moves and sounds like my only son,
but an ogre has invaded his soul.
I try to say, “Go away,
leave me alone,”
but my throat closes, allowing only choked shreds
of ragged breath.
I cannot close the windows; their hinges stray,
leaving a gaping space
with no fingerhold, no latch, no lock
to keep them closed.
Like a lisping snake, he slips through the gap,
then, like a demon displaying its teeth,
his figure expands to the height of six feet.
I race through my tainted haven,
bare feet slapping smooth cedar floor,
course words chasing me, describing obscene hate.
I find no corner in which to hide,
no wardrobes, no outsized drawers.
No leaden bolts nor wooden weight
to press against the doors.
No clear escape
from the raging, shapeshifting monster who grows
with every step that he takes.
My only hope is outside.
I will plant my toes between roses,
feed the dirt with grated love
to cultivate my thorns.
In the garden, my organic armour will grow.
My dress will get torn. It will fall away,
but my petals will glow and fade to be replaced
in synchronicity with the seasons.
I will regain my freedom.
I will be safe.
.
©Jane Paterson Basil
