Daily Archives: May 17, 2016

The wrong legs

bonkers, humor, humorous poetry, humorous verse, humour, poems, poetry, Uncategorized,

twenty years ago I stood naked in front of the mirror
and was dismayed to see it was all going South.
maybe my perception or my expections have changed
because these days I think my body looks OK
considering my advancing age.
apart from my legs, and I’m pretty certain
they were never intended for me anyway.
It was just an administrative error
like the time the dentist up the road
who’d always been a bit over-generous with medication
(which made me wonder, after the fact, whether…
no, – I’d better not suggest that)
mixed up his patients
and extracted seven teeth from the mouth of a man
who only went in for a filling.
the man was probably a bit miffed about it,
but there was not a lot he could do in retaliation
as he’d just come around from an anaesthetic
and couldn’t talk properly. I expect he said something like
mug oo, oo muggin budud
which doesn’t sound particularly intimidating.

these days
dentists aren’t allowed to give general anaesthetics,
so patients are more inclined end up happy
and less embarrassed about their smiles

anyway, going back to my legs
a few months ago I told my sister I was rather concerned because
my legs had been stolen and replaced with someone else’s

as you can imagine, I was quite indignant

but she looked at them and told me
they were the same legs I’d always had
and added
that I’d never liked them
I don’t know how that had slipped my mind
I’d been going around thinking my legs had been stolen
having forgotten I’d originally been issued the wrong ones
and I don’t feel so bad about it now
because although they’re not pretty
they’re only as ugly as they’ve always been
and they haven’t gone South yet

maybe if they did they’d be replaced with the ones I was supposed to have
that is, unless someone’s used them up

this morning, after my shower,
I couldn’t find my face
but after an extensive search
I spotted it lurking in the antarctic region

Written for the Daily Post’s One Word Prompt: South

©Jane Paterson Basil